She was sexually abused as a child and now cannot form bonds with men

When she was just eight years old, Catherine was sexually assaulted multiple times by a motorcyclist who was taking her to school. The motorcyclist put her in the front seat and her brother and another boy in the back seat while he drove them to school somewhere in Adamawa, northeast Nigeria.

This allowed him to attack her. One time she wore pants as underwear to school and the man on the bike reprimanded her because she was in some way protecting her from the situation.

“He threatened me not to tell anyone,” she recalls.

The abuse was a relentless nightmare that lasted for over a year until the motorcyclist stopped taking her to school. At the time, she was too young to fully understand the horror she had endured. But now, as a grown woman, the traumatic memories remain and refuse to be silenced.

The United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) supported Catherine’s shocking report with a horrifying revelation: six out of ten children in Nigeria have been sexually abused, one in four girls and ten percent of boys have been victims of sexual violence.

Catherine said that as a child, she was too afraid to tell her mother about her sexual harassment, and even as an adult, “I’m still afraid to talk to her about it.” One incident in her childhood in particular made her reluctant to tell her parents about such a horrific experience.

Her mother had whipped her mercilessly when a neighbor claimed to have seen Catherine outside holding the scrotum of a naked boy. She claimed it was just children playing, but the neighbor exaggerated the matter, earning her an unforgettable spanking from her mother.

“Because of that experience, I couldn’t tell her what was wrong with the man on the bike,” she said.

A report by the Cece Yara Foundation, a child rights organization, confirms their struggle and highlights that victims of child sexual abuse often remain silent out of fear and shame. The foundation revealed that “70.5 percent of girls are sexually abused multiple times.”

Catherine’s lack of parental guidance and support fed her curiosity about sex. “At the age of ten, I was psychologically assaulted by a close family member. He made me watch pornography regularly and carelessly, and the more I saw, the more I wanted to see,” she recalls.

Her pornography consumption became an addiction and lasted for years until one day she was caught watching pornography when she was still a middle school student. Her mother’s beatings increased her fear of her.

As she grew older, she realized that the incident with the motorcyclist was a case of sexual harassment. She began to feel unsafe around men, but unfortunately, even after she graduated from university, she continued to be sexually harassed.

“During my year of service, there was this officer who would ‘playfully’ hold me by the neck or twist my arm until he finally asked me if I had a boyfriend,” she said.

She had been posted to a military barracks for her mandatory one-year National Youths Service Corp (NYSC) programme. The military officer who made unwanted advances to her asked her if she was a lesbian when she refused a relationship. Several other military officers in the barracks also harassed her, she said, making her service in Abia State a living hell.

Catherine is now 27 years old and has a college degree. She still struggles with the trauma of her first encounter with the motorcyclist. Because of this experience, she avoids men in general and dresses like a boy most of the time.

“I don’t have any triggers, but if a man talks directly about sex, I immediately shut down,” she added. “I think all of these experiences, from the bike rider to the pornography my family member showed me, have contributed to my hesitation to enter into a relationship.”

She blamed her mother for not guiding her properly, especially when she was caught watching a porn film. Catherine believes her mother should have reformed her instead of “brutally beating” her. She added that her mother forbade her from having male friends when she was growing up.

“Maybe I would have had real friends back then who would have helped me correct my view of men in general,” she reflected.

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network points out in a report that children who are sexually abused are vulnerable to post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and anxiety.

“Unfortunately, if children do not disclose sexual abuse and/or do not receive effective counseling, they may suffer difficulties long into the future,” the report continues.

Aishat Jibril, a clinical psychologist at HumAngle Sanctuary, suspects that Catherine may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which has led her to not want to engage in sexual activities and to avoid any touching or communication that could lead to sexual contact with men.

The psychologist found that grief and sadness over the event had caused the woman to develop a negative perception of men as a result of her experience.

“Her risk factors included a lack of social support, an inability to share her experiences or confide in anyone, and the fact that her mother was unsupportive,” she said. “She avoids potential triggers such as people or situations that remind her of the event, and therefore avoids close relationships with men.”