“I put on a very strong face”

Grace Fries

Amanza Smith speaks for the first time about a dark chapter in her past.

In a cover story for Mr. Warburton’s digital magazine, the Sell ​​Sunset Reality star claims she was sexually abused by two family members between the ages of three and 11.

“I put on a very strong face, which comes from being sexually abused since I was three years old by someone very close to me, and you have to pretend that’s not happening,” Smith says in the Broadcast interview.

PEOPLE reached out to the living accused family member and received no response.

Smith says because of what happened to her, she developed a “protection” or “survival skill” that would help her deal with bad situations, and it wasn’t until she had children of her own that she realized how that worked trauma of her childhood really affected her.

Grace Fries

“It didn’t work out until God gave me a little girl,” she says. “It hit me one day when my daughter was almost two years old and I was pregnant with my son. I imagined that everything that had happened to me would happen to her. And it changed everything.”

She continues, “Suddenly everything made sense: all the things I struggled with as a teenager, the addictions in my twenties, the ways I felt like I had failed, not been motivated, and “Feeling different from my friends in some way.”

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The real estate agent said she has “done so much work” since then to get to a better place.

“I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason,” Smith says. “I wouldn’t change anything in my life. I would be reborn and live the exact same life full of trauma and abuse. I would do it again because I am strong enough. I was chosen to go through this. Now. “I can be a voice to help others get through.”

Grace Fries

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Before her debut on Sell ​​Sunset In the second season, Smith was married to former NFL player Ralph Brown between 2010 and 2012 and the two have daughter Noah and son Baker together. In 2019, Brown disappeared and Smith still couldn’t find him. He told PEOPLE in 2020, “He doesn’t want to be found.”

She requested sole custody of her children and was ultimately granted sole custody last October. She released a statement to PEOPLE saying, “I am relieved that this long process is over. It was incredibly hard for me and especially for the children. We will never do that.” We will have “overcome” her father’s absence, but hopefully we can move forward in a more positive way now that we are no longer hampered by the legal obstacles that have prevented me from making the decisions necessary for her “We are best as a family of three.”

Grace Fries

Last year, Smith opened up about her mental health struggles while searching for her missing ex-husband, sharing a tearful selfie on Instagram.

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“That was me at 4am last night, unable to sleep because I had so much on my mind,” Smith captioned the post.

“It’s okay to not be okay,” she said elsewhere in the post. “Many people are afraid to talk openly about mental health. You all see me as very strong and I really appreciate the support I have received from fans and friends for the way I am carrying myself through this difficult new journey as a full-time working single mother.”

If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual abuse, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.