Patrick Honan: “I thought every little girl had to do this with her daddy” – Rape victim Noreen Honan from Co Clare talks about a trauma

Noreen Honan walked across the street to the shop in rural Doonbeg, County Clare, and bought her favorite drink – Tip Top in raspberry or cola flavor.

“But it never tasted as good when I bought one with his money right after the rape,” says the 50-year-old.

One of her earliest memories of her father is the first time he abused her. She was about three years old and her mother was at bingo.

She was playing with her father in his bed and he took off her white cloth night diaper. While he was abusing her, he put the safety pin that held the diaper together into the headboard and forgot to put it back in afterwards, so the diaper kept slipping down.

I lost my whole family because of this, but I know I did the right thing by coming forward.

Despite her young age, she can still clearly remember the first time her father sexually abused her. Afterwards, he cleaned himself in the bathroom sink and shaved before going to the pub when her mother came home.

“After that first time, it just became normal. It was constant. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t abused. I thought every little girl had to do that with her daddy. He would say things like, ‘Every kid has to do that’ and ‘I’m sure so-and-so doesn’t complain about it as much as you do.'”

Patrick Honan (69), of Lakeview, Doonbeg, Kilrush, was sentenced to 11 and a half years in prison on 26 April for raping and sexually abusing his daughter from the age of three until she was 16. She waived her anonymity so his name could be used.

In an interview with the Sunday Independent, She explained how ongoing sexual abuse since early childhood has shaped her life and what hopes she has for the future.

For the first three years of her life, Mrs Honan lived with a great-great-aunt and another elderly relative in Kilrush.

“I was very loved and cared for in that house. My parents were young and not yet married, so I was dumped with these relatives. But they were very good to me. I was very happy,” she recalls.

It was also very difficult for me to lose my father

“Then, when I was three, my parents took me back to Doonbeg. They were strangers to me, even though my mother visited them regularly. The abuse by my father began after a short time.”

She has had a strained relationship with her mother Maureen since childhood. Her parents, who now live apart, also have two sons born after Ms Honan. At her father’s trial, the court heard that he had the support of his family, including his two adult sons.

“I lost my whole family but I know I did the right thing by coming forward. There are a lot of people like me who didn’t come forward. I don’t blame them because it’s horrific to go through the Garda investigation and then a criminal trial.

“It was very hard for me to lose my family. It was also very hard for me to lose my father. I loved him, one hundred percent. He could be an incredibly nice person at times.”

Ms. Honan learned methods to end her father’s abuse early in her childhood, but the abuse took all forms.

Once, when she was about eight years old, she bled for a few days after her father raped her. In recent years, medical examinations revealed that she had a cervical hernia as a result of the rape.

“It was an old wound. He literally broke me inside and out,” she said.

When he forced her to perform oral sex, Honan grabbed her by the hair.

“I finally cut my hair when I was 11. The reason was so he couldn’t grab my hair and hold me down. Since that age, I’ve worn my hair pretty short to protect myself,” she says.

“Then, about two and a half years ago, I let it grow and since then I’ve been letting it grow longer. That’s how I try to stand up to my father. My little victory.”

I have a number of serious health problems as a direct result of what he did to me

As a teenager, Ms. Honan tried to keep her appearance unkempt in the hope that her father would leave her alone. But nothing worked.

“I tried everything to dissuade him. I am a very clean person but sometimes I didn’t wash myself in the hope that he would stay away. I missed school trips because I knew that if I had to ask him for money, he would rape me before giving it to me.

“I have a number of serious health problems as a direct result of what he did to me. His weight on me, from a very young age, has given me health problems that I will struggle with for the rest of my life. And that’s just the physical.”

The worst period of abuse occurred when Ms. Honan was nearly 14 years old. Her mother spent 56 nights in hospital over several months as she had a difficult pregnancy with her younger son. This gave Honan “free rein” to abuse his daughter.

In February, he was found guilty of 48 charges, including 25 of rape and 23 of sexual assault, following a trial at the Central Criminal Court.

The abuse took place between 1977 and 1989 in the family’s home in Lakeview. Honan does not accept the jury’s verdict and maintains his innocence, the court was previously told.

The last rape incident occurred when Ms Honan was 16. The court heard she asked for money for a youth club and Honan began gesticulating and rubbing his penis. Knowing he wanted something in return, she said she “gave up” and got into bed next to him, where he raped her.

Not long after, she told a trusted family friend about the abuse. That woman told the extended family and Honan was confronted.

“He admitted it, but he would say things like ‘I wasn’t sure if you were mine’ and ‘It wasn’t that bad, was it?’ to justify it,” Ms Honan says. “It was a tough time for me at home after that, but it put an end to the abuse.”

He said, “If I tell her to sit here all day, she will do it.” And he was right

Following her Leaving Cert, Ms Honan was offered a place on the Mechanical Engineering and Technology course at Tralee RTC.

“I really wanted to leave,” she says, “but he just said ‘no’ and that was it. That’s when I started to realize that even though the abuse had stopped, all he cared about was keeping control over me.

“I remember sitting in a pub with my dad a few years later and him turning to another man and saying, ‘If I tell her to sit here all day, she’ll do it.’ And he was right – I would have done it. He still had complete control over me.”

She realized that she had to break away from him. So in 2002 – when she was in her late 20s – she went to a police station in Münster and told an officer about the abuse.

“I was told he had to admit it and that was the end of it. The Garda didn’t take a statement from me.”

Fifteen years later, in 2017, she contacted her lawyer, Patrick Moylan of O’Kelly Moylan in Kilrush, to file a civil claim against her father for the abuse. Due to her previous experiences, she had no faith in the police and felt that suing her father was the only way to get him to admit his crimes.

“That’s all I ever wanted: for my father to admit what he did and express sincere regret. If he had done that years ago, I would have accepted it and never gone to my lawyer or the police. But he still hasn’t done that.”

I can completely understand why people don’t want to come forward

The lawyer persuaded her to lodge a complaint with the Gardaí in Kilrush, which she did in 2019. She found the process and the subsequent criminal trial “grueling”.

“I went to the Garda out of necessity – I didn’t want to,” she says. “I can completely understand why people don’t want to come forward. Something has to change in this country. If people feel they can’t go to the Garda – which I understand – I would advise them to go to their lawyer and I would ask lawyers to advise and help victims because going to the Garda is not always an option.”

“If pedophiles and rapists could also be held accountable in a civil trial, it could help put an end to pedophilia in this country.”

When Ms Honan’s family and the wider Doonbeg rural community approached her lawyer in 2017, they became aware of her allegations and Honan was arrested in July 2020. When questioned, he denied the allegations.

“Since 2017, I have been a prisoner in my own home. I felt like everyone in the community was against me,” says Ms Honan. “There were days when I couldn’t get out of bed. My mental health suffered. I attempted suicide. My doctor kept me alive.”

Her father lived nearby and would often drive past her house in his truck, staring inside, adding to her stress.

“I have hardly left the house since 2017. It is as if I myself have been in prison for the last seven years.

“I spent 12 years raping and abusing as a young child and another seven years as a prisoner in my own home after I revealed myself. I think he should serve at least what I served.”

The first thing Ms. Honan did after her father was detained was to clean the front of her house with a pressure washer.

“I felt so free. I never enjoyed anything more than power washing the house after his conviction,” she says. “Now I can walk the dogs. Now people in my community know what he did to me. They have it in black and white. I don’t have to hide anymore. Now people believe me. My motto is: ‘I want to live the rest of my life in color.'”

If you have been affected by any of the issues described in this article, call the Rape Crisis Centre on freephone 1800 77 88 88.