AnnaLynne McCord says filming 90210 ‘triggered’ her memories of rape: ‘I just broke’

Presley Ann/Getty Images for visionary women AnnaLynne McCord

AnnaLynne McCord talks about overcoming the horrific sexual trauma in her past – and filming a pivotal scene in her hit drama 90210 helped uncover long-suppressed memories.

After suffering sexual abuse as a child from someone she knew, McCord was raped by a friend at age 18. “My body froze and did what it did when I was little,” McCord, 33, recalls to PEOPLE this week. “I just turned off awareness of what was happening.”

Although the diagnosis has not yet been made, the actress also suffered from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), a mental disorder characterized by two or more distinct personalities. These so-called “alters” helped her block out the pain.

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Paul Archuleta/Wireimage AnnaLynne McCord

“It wasn’t a conscious decision to rule it out,” McCord says. “My dissociation took care of this and absorbed the bubble of my trauma. My brain protected me.”

Until 2002, McCord played the leading role of the scheming vixen Naomi Clark 90210was approached by the showrunner about a planned scene in which her character would be raped by a faculty advisor.

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“I thought, ‘What a great story, let’s do this,'” she remembers. “We jumped in and shot the scene. It didn’t trigger anything.” But then, while filming the aftermath of the rape with co-star Jessica Stroup, “I was just broke,” says McCord. “My heart, which had been made to feel that love was something bad and dangerous, was simply broken.”

Everett AnnaLynne McCord and Shenae Grimes continue 90210

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Despite this realization, McCord still couldn’t come to terms with the pain of her past until finally, during therapy in 2018, “the bubble burst,” she says. “I was able to identify with and confront my sexual abuse.”

Now, “I’m grateful to be on the other side,” McCord says. “Healing can be terrible. But I love my life.”

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or go to rainn.org.