Five years of life “lost” waiting for rape trial

A woman who was raped in Galway in July 2019 said she had lost “five years” of her life waiting for her case to be heard.

A jury found Jonathan Moran, of Tower View, Mullingar, County Westmeath, guilty of the charge and sentenced him to eight years in prison on Monday.

The 26-year-old used a bottle to carry out the attack in a garden shed after meeting Bláthnaid Raleigh when she attended the Galway Arts Festival.

Ms Raleigh, also from Mullingar, said that after the attack she used words like “incident” or “assault” to describe what had happened to her as she never felt she had the right to say, “I was raped.”

She said she did not want to confront what had happened, but when the verdict was announced, she could finally say: “I was raped.”

“For victims of sexual violence, control is a huge thing, and when that control is taken away from you, it’s not a nice feeling.”

Speaking on RTÉ’s Oliver Callan show, Ms Raleigh said: “I have spent five years of my life waiting for a trial and sharing my home town with someone who did something like this.”

She was 21 when she first reported the incident to the Gardaí, but the case did not come to court until she was 26.

She said she had lost sleep or had nightmares as the dates of various court cases approached, but these were postponed.

“I don’t think these people were rescheduling. It felt like no one ever saw the other person on the other side and how much their lives were impacted every time the appointment was rescheduled.

“Everything would collapse again and you would have to pick yourself up and get going again and then the same thing would happen again.

“You feel like you are in someone else’s hands, like a puppet, and someone else is controlling your life.

“For victims of sexual violence, control is a huge thing and when that control is taken away, it is not a nice situation,” Ms Raleigh said.

Immediately after the rape, she was only a shadow of her former self, she said.

“I spent most of my days staring into space and just couldn’t function properly.”

Ms Raleigh said she did not go out because there were things that could trigger a reaction or memory and she felt repulsed.

She said she was bored, had no motivation, was full of anxiety and was no longer interested in the things that had interested her before.

Ms Raleigh said she forced herself to go out and went to a pub, but had to keep her back to the wall so she could see everyone there in case Moran came in.

“It got to the point where I was watching everyone else and was so scared that something was going to happen to someone else. I just couldn’t relax.

“I watched every guy talk to a girl, every girl leave the bar alone, every girl get into a taxi alone, and I was terrified that something was going to happen that I could have prevented. That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself for a night out on the town.”

Ms Raleigh said that before the rape, Moran had been talkative and friendly and had not been flirting with her at all, but afterward his whole personality was different.

She described the experience of having to give evidence in court as “horrific” and “retraumatizing,” adding that “the lies he told were just offensive.”

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Before the trial, Ms. Raleigh said she felt some sympathy for Moran and his family when she thought about him going to prison.

“Afterwards, when I got no reason for what happened, no apology, nothing, I thought, why do I care so much about his family when he didn’t care about my family, me or his own family in his actions. His actions caused this.”

While she waited for the case to go to court, it was difficult to know what Moran had done when the rest of the community knew nothing about it and celebrated his successes with the local rugby club, she said.

“You’re left in this rubble and he just keeps this perfect picture for everyone else to see.”

She said her brother had left the rugby club and joined a neighbouring club, and had recently played against Moran in a match.

Read more:
Victim: It is important to make the rapist’s face known

Ms Raleigh said she waived her anonymity so that others in a similar situation would not feel alone, and the Rape Crisis Centre had offered her great support through counselling.

“I would recommend anyone who needs their services to contact them, they are excellent,” she said, adding that she has started a fundraiser for the organization.

She said she did not want to diminish the pain of others, as these people have their own experiences to go through – regardless of whether their perpetrator was convicted or not. She would like to give these people a voice if possible.

“These things are horrible and they take so much away from you, but you really discover who you are as a person.”

Now Ms. Raleigh enjoys going to the gym, boxing and being around horses, which she finds therapeutic. She also hopes to pursue a master’s degree in child and family health and well-being or social work.

Although she is feeling better now, there are triggers that can devastate you for a few days, she said, and the trial left her in massive shock.

She described not being able to sleep, having difficulty showering, and never feeling clean.

“I go through phases where… I scratch my skin. I don’t even notice it until I wake up and I’m covered in bruises. But then I have really good times.”

“These things are horrible and they take so much away from you, but you really discover who you are as a person, your strengths… and you prioritize what you’re good at and what you enjoy.”

“I’m not so fixated on thinking, ‘I want to do this and travel here and accomplish that’ … I don’t feel that way because I’ve been in situations where I was so unhappy that I just wanted to have absolute basic happiness. And I’m just going to do whatever I can to live a balanced life and do the things that I enjoy.”

Ms Raleigh said she felt like she had her life back, going out again and doing things that young people enjoy, even in her own area.

“I don’t live in that immediate fear of seeing him. Hopefully I can get a lot of other things back in my life now.”

If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this report, you can find helplines here