A black woman’s perspective on the gender war

Whether we are ready to face it or not, the battle of the sexes is real.

Sure, we haven’t reached the point where we’re literally engaged in mass, hand-to-hand combat, but we’re not far from it either.

Every day I am asked by men: “Aren’t you tired of the battle of the sexes?”

Quite frankly, my answer is a loud and decisive “No!”

Why, you ask? Well, let me explain…

Is it war or karma?

We live in a world that is unfair to women and girls on many levels. Sure, there was a time when simply being a woman almost guaranteed a “soft life,” complete with protection, sex, a relatively faithful husband, and more.

Today, that is no longer the case. In fact, a black woman is much less likely to marry a black man, or any man at all, than women of other races. And black women have been forced to become “the backbone of the community” without receiving any recognition or validation. For some reason, these same men complain that black women are not submissive.

Pick a fight!

And yet, black men all over the internet are gathering to discuss how women are overreaching and shirking their own responsibilities. For example, black women are accused of everything from having children out of wedlock to raising their children as convicts.

However, you don’t hear men holding their boyfriends accountable for not caring about their children, nor do you hear men who grew up with single mothers talk about how the lack of male role models has affected them.

At the same time, these men have gone to great lengths to portray black women as the least valuable on earth. And I for the life of me don’t understand why.

So many of them have created single-parent households and refuse to marry the women. Many have removed themselves from their children’s lives but somehow blame the mothers for it, etc. I have seen black women sacrifice everything to keep their families/communities together.

But all good things come to an end – now we are here.

Why am I writing this?

Although I write about these issues from a sociological perspective, in real life I often avoid debates about the battle of the sexes. This is because these topics are often very provocative and many men seem to enjoy provoking women rather than holding themselves and their brothers accountable.

Nevertheless, I get involved here and/or there.

Recently, I was talking with a group of men and women. The discussion was started by men who wanted to list all the reasons why black women are not suitable partners/wives. However, when women like me joined the discussion with intelligent responses, the men in the room basically scolded us. We should listen to their concerns because it doesn’t always have to be about the gender war.

Excuse me What?!

Yes, no. One thing I can’t stand is men who try to force their way through the world without taking responsibility for it. And unfortunately, many women get nervous and intimidated when men speak to them in a certain tone.

Not me.

I have seen and experienced black men screaming that we are all unworthy sluts and whores and that they can choose who they love and protect. Black women can do that too!

Black women don’t have to submit to men and lick their boots just because they have a penis. Especially when those men have said things like, “If I don’t have sex with them, I don’t have to protect them.”

Sorry, but you can’t have both.

I wrote about this in connection with Rho Bashe, and before I address the allegations she is now making, I want to make it clear that my disgust was based in particular on the reactions of black men.

Read more here:

It’s no fun when the rabbit gets the gun

As a very thoughtful woman who once felt very masculine, I want to remind men of the filth they have been participating in all this time.

The only reason there is talk of a “war” is because women, especially black women, are fed up with the mistreatment and are demanding that men behave better or be left alone.

Men sit around and insult all women like it’s their full-time job, but when a woman comes along with well-considered counterarguments, suddenly the whole thing becomes a pointless war.

So it seems that some men want the right to put women down without being able to defend themselves.

The conclusion …

Look, I have never been against violence, but I have always been there for people who stand up against bullies and those who have harmed them.

There are many black men that I never argue with, but who actually care about their families and responsibilities instead of making excuses.

They are also the ones who readily admit that black men pose a much greater threat to the community than single mothers, especially when you consider violent crimes, which, by the way, are primarily black men against black men. and black men against black women/children.

Either way, women no longer need men to survive. In fact, black women as a whole are doing well financially, while the unemployment rate among black men is embarrassingly high.

And while it would be nice to have someone protecting black women from physical violence, as we’ve seen, even that isn’t guaranteed. That’s why we’re finally in a position to demand more instead of settling for less.

And to be clear, I’m still for black love, but only if it’s healthy. I will not perpetuate toxic black relationships just so black women will stay faithful to men who are least likely to marry while they father children and just leave them behind.

So, no, I am not on the front lines of any “war.” I abhor that idea. However, if you spend a lot of time bullying the “weaker” then you cannot beat the war drum when they finally strike back. No one is listening.

This article originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with the author’s permission.

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