“My show at the Edinburgh Fringe is about sexual harassment

Alex Kitson’s Edinburgh Fringe show is as rough comedy as it gets.

In his show Must I Paint You A Picture?, the 28-year-old comedian tells the story of running through the woods of upstate New York to escape a stranger who sexually assaulted him. He hopes that by telling his story, other men will feel less alone.

“The show is about my biggest secret, which I am now revealing to everyone,” Alex laughs a little nervously in conversation with Metro.de. “The show is essentially about resilience and keeping going.”

At the age of 19, when Alex’s friends were already at university, he set off on an adventurous journey through the USA.

In June 2016, he ran out of money and decided to look for accommodation through a website that offers room and board in exchange for work. But when he arrived at the home of a Trump supporter in the middle of the forest on the night of the Brexit vote, his journey took an ominous turn.

“I was completely naive and didn’t notice anything,” Alex recalled. “I think he wanted to hurt me, but I poured a drink into the sink. He tried to force himself on me, but I fought him off and ran out of the bathroom.”

Due to the isolated location of the house, Alex could not escape easily and remained in his room until morning.

The man didn’t leave Alex alone, but knocked on his door several times, asked him if he had fallen asleep and played him a cover on the guitar outside his room.

“On the fourth occasion, he got quite angry and told me that the Brexit vote had just taken place,” Alex recalled. “Luckily, he threw up all over the back room and collapsed.”

In the daylight, Alex set off into the forest and managed to hitchhike to the bus station. He returned home and this experience became his biggest secret. Until now.

“I’m so glad I came out completely unscathed. I’m well aware that other people in the room almost certainly have much worse stories to tell,” he said.

Nevertheless, this experience had a lasting impact on Alex after he returned home “shocked” and crying.

“It made me quite scared and I was very afraid of feeling vulnerable again,” he said.

“I hope that my comedy makes people feel better, and everyone who sees it – especially men – but also anyone to whom something has happened.”

For his show, Alex reads his diary entries from the days and weeks following the attack.

“There were a lot of jokes in there, and I started writing them to get over it,” he said.

“I just read them out loud and they worked. Don’t be afraid of something you laugh at – that’s probably the most resilient thing you can do.”

Out of shame and embarrassment, he initially did not tell anyone about his ordeal, which caused him long-term suffering.

“I really wanted to be seen as independent, it’s all such a toxic masculinity thing. It undermines the feeling of being able to look after yourself. As someone who came from a very sheltered childhood in rural Devon, I always thought, ‘I’m going to the big city, I’ll be fine, I don’t need my mum,'” he explained.

“I didn’t want to come back and say, ‘This big thing I’ve been talking about all this time didn’t really end well. I came back and was completely devastated. I poured my heart out to my mom in tears.'”

“I didn’t want to share that. I thought I could get through it.”

“I was lucky, but later it caught up with me and I realized that a lot of the things that were going wrong in my life in general – to a lesser extent, in my career and in my relationships – were because I was still clinging to the idea that I had no feelings.

“I was one of those classical liberals who said, ‘You have to talk about things!’, then I didn’t do it myself.”

Of course, Alex’s friends were good listeners when he confided in people about the sexual assault years later.

“I can’t imagine anyone who wasn’t kind, helpful and compassionate,” he said.

But it wasn’t just his friends who looked out for him: the audience also showed concern for Alex when he told his story on stage for the first time a year ago because he “definitely wasn’t over it yet.”

“It was pretty intense and I cried, which isn’t ideal,” joked Alex, adding that others came up to him after the show to thank him.

“I really don’t want to come across as someone who sees themselves as a victim. I mean, I am a victim because it was a sexual assault,” Alex said.

“But in the cold, harsh daylight, it was because of how scared and afraid I was. It wasn’t because of the act itself. I was so reticent, let alone someone who has been through worse.

“Sexual assault is much more common than people think. A lot has changed in recent years: people are now talking more about what is really important.”

“But on stage, I’m aware that I’m not the person with the worst story in the room. Especially among women, but probably among men too.”

“I feel for all these guys. I hope that sharing my story makes them feel a little safer.”

Alex Kitson: Must I Paint You a Picture? comes to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August, at Hootenannnies @ Potterow (Wee Yurt), 2-25 August at 22:55. Tickets available here.

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