“The darkest time of my life”: Conversion therapy for homosexuals in Italy

Rosario Lonegro was only 20 years old when he entered a Catholic seminary in Sicily to be ordained as a priest. But while studying there, he fell in love with another man and his superiors required him to undergo conversion therapy to erase his sexual preferences if he wanted to continue on the path to the priesthood.

“It was the darkest time of my life,” he told the BBC, recalling his experiences in the seminary in 2017.

Plagued by guilt and fear of committing a sin in the eyes of the Catholic Church, Rosario said he felt “trapped and had no choice but to suppress my true self.”

“The psychological pressure of being someone I wasn’t was insurmountable. I couldn’t change, no matter how hard I tried.”

For over a year he was forced to attend spiritual gatherings outside the seminary, some of which lasted several days, where he was subjected to a series of torturous activities designed to rid him of his sexual tendencies.

These included locking him in a dark closet, forcing him to strip naked in front of the other participants, and even requiring him to stage his own funeral.

As part of these rituals, he was instructed to write down his supposed weaknesses, such as “homosexuality,” “abomination,” “falseness,” and even more explicit terms, and then bury them under a symbolic tombstone.

The World Health Organization (WHO) removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders in 1990. Subsequent scientific studies have largely concluded that attempts to change sexual orientation are not only ineffective, but even harmful.

Conversion therapy is officially banned in France, Germany and predominantly Catholic Spain, and there are efforts to outlaw such practices in both England and Wales.

Today, it is almost impossible to determine the exact extent of these practices in Italy. They are reported mainly by men, but also by some women. Moreover, there is no uniform legal definition.

However, in recent months the BBC has conducted interviews across the country with several young gay men who have spoken of their experiences attending pseudoscientific group meetings or individual therapy sessions designed to transform them into heterosexuals.

A 33-year-old man who attended such meetings for over two years described his initial motivation as follows: “I wanted to reconcile myself. I didn’t want to be homosexual. I thought I needed to be cured.”

“This was the only way for me to find acceptance,” said another. He did not want to become a priest, but simply wanted acceptance in his daily life.

Gay conversion therapy is not limited to a specific region of Italy – group meetings and individual therapy sessions take place all over the country, some even led by licensed psychotherapists. In some cases, these meetings and therapy sessions are unofficial and secret, and are often facilitated through discreet conversations and secret referrals.

Other courses are advertised openly, with well-known figures from Italy’s conservative circles actively seeking followers online and on social media platforms to promote their ability to change sexual orientation.

In Sicily, Rosario Lonegro was mainly the target of meetings organized by the Spanish group Verdad y Libertad (Truth and Freedom), led by Miguel Ángel Sánchez Cordón, a group that has since disbanded because it incurred the disapproval of the Catholic Church.

However, the Italian priest who had originally urged Lonegro to these practices was given a high position within the Church, while others in Italy continued to be inspired by Sánchez Cordón’s methods.

Many of the people the BBC spoke to were referred to Luca di Tolve, a “moral/spiritual coach” who became famous for his book entitled I Was Once Gay. In Medjugorje I Found Myself.

On his website, Di Tolve and his wife boast that they are a “happy couple” who are trying to “help anyone whose sexual identity is in turmoil to truly exercise their freedom and decide who they want to be as a person.” Di Tolve did not respond to a BBC request for comment.

Another activist working to combat perceived sexual orientation is Giorgio Ponte, a writer well-known in Italy’s ultra-conservative circles. He says he wants to help people overcome their homosexuality and become free by telling his own story as a man with homosexual tendencies who is on his “possibly lifelong” path to freedom.

“In my experience, homosexual attraction stems from a violation of one’s own identity, which masks needs that have nothing to do with the sexual-erotic aspect, but rather with a distorted perception of oneself that is reflected in all aspects of life,” he told the BBC.

“I believe that a gay person should have the freedom to try (to become heterosexual) if they want to, but should be aware that it may not be possible for everyone,” he added.

In recent years, dozens of young men and women have sought advice from people like Di Tolve, Ponte and Sánchez Cordón. Among them is 36-year-old Massimiliano Felicetti, a homosexual who has struggled for more than 15 years with attempts to change his sexual orientation.

“I started feeling uncomfortable at a very young age. I felt like I would never be accepted by my family, society and church circles. I thought I was wrong. I just wanted to be loved and these people gave me hope,” he said.

Felicetti said he tried various solutions and consulted psychologists and clergy who offered to help him become heterosexual, but about two years ago he decided to stop. A monk who knew about his struggle encouraged him to date a woman, but it didn’t feel natural.

“The first time I kissed her, it felt unnatural. It was time to stop pretending,” Felicetti said.

Only a few months ago he came out to his family as gay. “It took years, but for the first time I am happy to be who I am.”

Despite attempts by previous governments to introduce a bill against conversion therapy, no progress has been made in Italy. Italy’s right-wing government under Giorgia Meloni has so far maintained a hostile attitude towards LGBT rights. The Prime Minister herself has vowed to fight the so-called “LGBT lobby” and “gender ideology”.

For Michele Di Bari, a researcher in comparative public law at the University of Padua, this lack of progress is no surprise. He says that structurally, Italy is much slower to implement change compared to other Western European countries.

“This is a very elusive phenomenon because it is a practice that is banned by the Italian Chamber of Psychologists itself. However, in the Italian legal system it is not considered illegal. People who carry out such practices cannot be punished.”

Despite the complexity of the issue, experts believe that the reluctance to ban these controversial practices is partly due to the strong Catholic influence in Italy.

“This could be one of the elements, along with a strongly patriarchal and male-chauvinistic culture, that complicates a broader understanding of homosexuality and LGBT rights,” says Valentina Gentile, a sociologist at Rome’s LUISS University.

“However, it can also be said that not all of Catholicism is hostile to the inclusion of diversity and that the Church itself is in a period of great change in this regard,” she added.

Pope Francis has said that the Catholic Church is open to everyone, including the homosexual community, and that it is its duty to accompany them on their personal spiritual journey, but within the framework of its rules.

However, the Pope himself is said to have used a highly derogatory term towards the LGBT community when he declared at a closed-door meeting with Italian bishops that homosexuals should not be allowed to become priests. The Vatican officially apologized.

Rosario Lonegro has left Sicily behind and also lives in Milan. After a nervous breakdown in 2018, he left both the seminar and the conversion therapy group.

Although he still believes in God, he no longer wants to become a priest. He lives in a shared apartment with his boyfriend, studies philosophy and occasionally works freelance to finance his studies. However, the emotional wounds that these activities have inflicted on him are still deep.

“During those meetings, I was haunted by a mantra that I repeated over and over again: ‘God didn’t make me this way. God didn’t make me gay. It’s just a lie I tell myself.’ I thought I was evil,” he said.

“I will never forget that.”

If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this story, you can visit ^ “BBC Action Line”.