Alice Munro’s daughter says her mother supported her abusive stepfather

WARNING: This article contains details of abuse and may affect those who have experienced sexual violence or know someone who has.

The youngest daughter of famous Canadian author Alice Munro has spoken about the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her stepfather and the deep pain she felt when her mother decided to support her husband instead of her child.

In a first-hand essay published in the Toronto Star on Sunday, Andrea Robin Skinner described how the Nobel Prize-winning short story writer held on to her marriage to second husband Gerald Fremlin even after learning of the abuse.

In the Star article, Skinner said she chose to tell her story so Canadians could get a more nuanced picture of the Nobel laureate, who was revered as a literary icon long before her death in May.

“I … wanted this story – my story – to be part of the stories people tell about my mother,” she wrote. “I never wanted to see another interview, biography or event that didn’t confront the reality of what happened to me and the fact that my mother, when confronted with the truth, chose to stay with my abuser and protect him.”

Skinner wrote in the Star that the abuse began in 1976, when she was nine years old and visiting her mother in Ontario during the summer after spending most of the year with her father in British Columbia. She wrote that Fremlin would climb into the bed she was sleeping in and initiate sexual contact while Munro was out of the house.

On the last day of her visit, she said, on the way to the airport, Fremlin began asking her details about her sex life and revealing details about his own life.

Skinner said she initially told her father and stepbrother what happened, but neither she nor her father immediately informed Munro.

She said Fremlin continued to expose himself to her and make sexual advances until he lost interest when she became a teenager.

Skinner said she experienced years of “private pain” because of the Fremlin’s predatory behaviour, suffered from bulimia, insomnia and migraines and dropped out of an international development program at the University of Toronto.

Daughter says she received no sympathy from Munro

In her twenties, Skinner wrote Munro a letter detailing Fremlin’s abuse, but she said she received no sympathy from her mother.

“I … was overwhelmed by her sense of self-harm,” Skinner wrote in the Star. “She believed my father had forced us to keep the secret in order to humiliate her. She then told me about other children with whom Fremlin had ‘friendships,’ emphasizing her own sense of personal betrayal. Did she realize that she was talking to a victim and that I was her child? If so, I could not sense it.”

She reported the abuse to the police in 2005 and Fremlin eventually pleaded guilty to sexual assault.

But Munro stayed with Fremlin until he died in 2013. Munro said she was told about the abuse “too late,” that she loved him too much to leave, and that she could not be expected to “deny her own needs,” Skinner wrote in the Star.

She said the abuse she suffered remained an open secret in the Munro family for years and for a time led to her estrangement from her entire family.

Skinner said she is now a meditation and mindfulness teacher and has reconciled with her siblings, but never with her mother.

Bookstore supports daughter

Munro’s Books, a bookstore Alice Munro founded with her first husband James in Victoria, posted a statement on its website in support of Skinner. The bookstore has been independently owned since 2014.

“Munro’s Books fully supports Andrea Robin Skinner as she comes forward with her story of child sexual abuse,” the store said. “Learning the details of Andrea’s experience was heartbreaking.”

The bookstore also posted a statement on its website from Andrea, her siblings Jenny and Sheila, and her stepbrother Andrew.

“By acknowledging and respecting Andrea’s truth and making their desire to end the legacy of silence very clear, the current store owners have become part of our family’s healing,” they said. “We fully support the owners and staff.”

For anyone who has been sexually abused, there is support available through crisis hotlines and local support services through the Ending Violence Association of Canada databaseIf you are in immediate danger or fear for your safety or that of others around you, please call 911.