Why are we all suddenly talking about celibacy?

Last week, full-time sex symbol (and part-time lederhosen fitness bunny) Lenny Kravitz pricked up our ears when he told The guard that he has been celibate for some time. It is worth noting that the absolutely relentless sex bomb was married to the equally hot Lisa Bonet in the 1990s, a woman whose factory attitude is smoldering. These days, however, Lenny intends to keep his Giant scarf neatly folded up, he works on his personal development until he finds the right woman. We’re all a little shocked that one of the sexiest men in the world decides not to have sex. (And he’s not the only hot person who does that.) It’s fine, but also a little What the hell. None of us is quite sure what to do with our feelings.

I don’t need to tell you that Lenny Kravitz is an autonomous man and can do whatever he wants, but I’m trying to understand why someone’s decision not to have sex feels so alarming, so surprising, so completely off the beaten path. Aren’t we humans creatures of sex? Isn’t it an essential part of our species, of all life on Earth? Isn’t it one of life’s greatest pleasures? Isn’t it the root of pleasure itself? I don’t want to be crass and say that everything revolves around sex, but isn’t everything about sex? Doesn’t sex permeate all aspects of adult culture? Doesn’t our hypersexual media flood us with overt sensuality, with sexual possibility? If we’re all thinking about the line between sexual prowess and sexual promiscuity, doesn’t sex ultimately sell? And what else are we really trying to buy? Long before we get anywhere near the obvious sexuality of pornography and OnlyFans-dom, our feeds are full of almost-sex, of slow-motion proclivities, of lust. towards Sex, on levels of daring, limitless-tolerance flesh. We marinate in arousal and bring sexual availability to interactions; these are the God-given rights of consenting adults. But Kravitz’s celibacy opens a Pandora’s box of questioning our sexual selves.

I wonder if Lenny, through his decision for celibacy, reminds us that we all trying to be hotter? We work on our personal attractiveness in countless ways: Of course it’s physical, and gyms and Ozempic do a ton of business with affirming beauty ideals. But attractiveness is also about so many other things – reading well, dressing cool, being funny. Ambition is sexy. Intellect is sexy. As are intense, fulfilling friendships and fulfilling, aspirational careers.

All of these things are important—but they never quite surpass our desire for that special something of a sexual relationship, for deeper companionship. We’re highly evolved, socialized beings, but we’re still driven by primal needs, and while a significant portion of sex is for procreation, ultimately we’re all still looking for a mate. As much as we evolve, we all want to be hot enough for someone else. What is attractiveness if not a kind of magnetism for potential reproduction? A celibate Lenny Kravitz defies our expectations about the power of being attractive and what hot people do with their attractiveness.