I was sexually assaulted again today | Lisa S Lawless

In a time when topics like rape culture, sexual assault, and sexually inappropriate behavior are so prevalent in the media, it’s no surprise that I was just sexually assaulted. Again. On the weekend when our store was closed, a man called my company. He kept calling our office number, so I decided to answer his call since I happened to be working in the office that weekend. After all, as a woman with my own business, it’s not unusual for me to work seven days a week.

I am someone who, through my training as a psychotherapist, is very well trained in the areas of rape, sexual abuse and physical assault. I used to work as a rape crisis counselor who not only counseled and helped rape victims, but also gave lectures on rape, sexual abuse, and assault. I also counseled sexually abused adolescent girls in a group home, helping them deal with the violence, anger, and grief they experienced. I also have extensive experience in self-defense training through martial arts, shooting sports and basic prevention techniques.

So you might be thinking about me as someone who is unlikely to become a victim. Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how educated you are, how many resources you have at your disposal, or how well you are able to defend yourself. All women can become victims at any time – including me today. The person on the other side of the call was an old man from Illinois who owns a music store that is advertised as a great place for children to learn music. I know this because I tracked down his number (because he apparently didn’t realize we had caller ID, or maybe he didn’t care, and I was able to see both his name and number). This man had called our office many times a few years ago and we had to block his phone number to prevent his calls from getting through because he wouldn’t stop even after we confronted him about what he was doing. He got a new number and decided to do it all again.

This particular predator’s “game” involves asking lots of vague questions while touching himself. As soon as he is close to climax, he uses vulgar language, describes intimate acts and asks perverse questions. When he called, my gut feeling was telling me something was wrong, but I ignored those feelings and doubted myself because I love helping people. He was quite adept at creating just enough doubt to keep me on the phone despite my growing suspicions. I wanted to believe what most of us want to believe – that people aren’t that sick and terrible. I can imagine that the idea of me innocently talking to him while not knowing what he was doing for most of the call was exciting to him, as it is to most predators who enjoy control over their victims.

The thought of hurting a woman is arousing to these sociopathic perverts, and the mere sound of my innocent voice full of helpful information as he stroked himself must have been exciting, even though he knew all along that he was controlling me he gratified himself narcissistically. Just words… This is what Donald Trump and his supporters say about such things. They say that women who can’t handle inappropriate words are weak. Obscene phone calls, cat calls, sexual harassment in the office, sexually offensive comments from a passerby at the grocery store, gas station, and many other scenarios are all things that we as women should just ignore and not get upset about.

The message being sent to women is: “Don’t resist this kind of abuse. Lie down and take it.” As we talked, he sounded like someone who was on his cell phone and a little out of breath while walking, which is pretty common these days. I heard him urinate and thought it was rude, but thought that like many people who eat on the phone or go to the bathroom, maybe he thought I just didn’t hear him. I became more and more uncomfortable as he asked the same questions over and over again, and I began to question him specifically about what he wanted.

Horrified, I finally realized what he was doing when I heard him groan as he finished, and finally, with pure, smug satisfaction, told myself what he had been doing all along. When I’ve dealt with things like this in the past, I’ve been angry with myself and thought things like, “I should have seen it coming.” I should have known better than to trust that person or that person at that time Place to have been.” Thinking this way is a common tendency among victims, and although logically I know better than to do this to myself, it is still often part of the process a victim goes through.

It took many years before I could say out loud that I was being attacked – to myself or to others. It takes a lot of courage to not only face what happened, but also deal with the difficult emotions of it all. Making yourself even more vulnerable by acknowledging that it happened leaves you vulnerable to falling prey again to those who shame people for being attacked – calling them weak, attention seekers, gold diggers, and worse.

This may be the most powerful time ever to say these things out loud. When we remain silent, we give sexual predators and guilty parties full power. I say: stop being silent, blaming ourselves and waiting for this to stop. So here I sit, shaking, my face red with anger because I have been verbally and sexually assaulted yet again in my life. Unfortunately, something like this has happened to me verbally many times. I have endured inappropriate comments on the street, at school, at work, and even from men I thought were my friends.

And it doesn’t stop there. I have also been physically sexually assaulted several times by different men at different stages of my life. The only thing that comforts me, which is not comforting at all, is that I am far from alone. Women around the world are victims of sexual abuse every minute, every hour and every day. So this is what, as someone who has just been sexually abused, I have to say – again – to those who want me to just shut up and bear it. I am not ashamed of my outrage. I won’t keep my mouth shut. I won’t take it easy.

I will fight alongside millions of women and good men – and we will not stop fighting until the women of the world are given the respect they deserve. That is why we must stand up, speak out and support women who are victims to truly create the change we want for ourselves and for future generations. Oh, and to Mr. Wanker for calling me out on verbally and sexually assaulting me today… you’ve been blocked and reported as an arrogant, perverted piece of trash.

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