Totally not fake news: the “real” reason for the Houston Astros’ struggles in 2024

HOUSTON – The 2024 MLB season is in full swing. Some teams expected to be in the running are in the running (Atlanta, Philadelphia, Los Angeles (Dodgers), Baltimore). Some teams expected to suck (Colorado, Chicago White Sox). Some things are constant (everyone hates the Yankees, everyone hates Yankees fans, everyone hates the Red Sox, who also hate the Yankees, everyone hates that the Yankees are playing well this year, the Angels are wasteful Mike Trout, which is disappointing, but not as hated as the Yankees, etc.).

Then you have the Houston Astros. They expected to be in the mix for another World Series, adding to their list of hatred, much like the hatred for the Yankees, who hate that they can’t beat the Astros except when they can, so everyone hate the Yankees as much as they hate the Astros, and then people hate each other for it, and we… ANYWAY… the Houston Astros went from a slow start to competing for the #1 pick in the 2025 draft. This wasn’t exactly how anyone saw the Astros playing this year. “Of course, they always start below .500, then like clockwork, they turn it on, win the division, win in the playoffs and generally (expletive deleted) against everyone outside of the 713 area code. It’s almost as much a constant of the game as hating the Yankees…” (this part of the interview has been removed from all files. We also cleared the previously anonymous staffer just to cover our bases).

Already in May, the Astros are playing double-digit games under .500. “Right now, it’s a drinking game contest between Buster Olney and Jeff Passan to see who’s the bigger disappointment: the 2024 Astros, the 2023 Mets or the 2022 Yankees.” An anonymous ESPN employee reported (that we haven’t had to liquidate, but we’re keeping tabs on the employee’s every move, just to be sure).

“The Astros are having just as much trouble, even worse than the Angels? Man, even I wouldn’t have made that bet…I mean, NOT THAT MY NEW TRANSLATOR, WHO WILL DIE SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY IF HE EVER TAKES MONEY FROM MY ACCOUNT TO BET ON SPORTS, WOULD TAKE THIS BET!!!! Because as everyone in the Pacific region knows, I don’t. BET. ON. SPORTS!!!!!” noted a DH for the Dodgers, whose actions reminded some of Rafael Palmeiro.

The why ? ” because the Astros’ struggles have been well documented…or at least the “publicly accepted” reasons. Injured starters Josh Hader and Jose Abreu in a death match to claim the spot as “worst free agent signing in Astros history”, an inability to win close games, an inability to win at home, an inability to win on the road, an overmatched manager and general manager, an owner who might actually be worse than Jerry Jones when it comes to interference…all potentially valid “established” excuses.

Still, there could be another reason for the Astros’ woes, probably not one involving Crane avoiding a voodoo priestess (but that can’t be completely ruled out). As many know, 2024 is an election year. Some will say that presidential elections tend to bring out the worst in people. Since the turn of the century, this seems to bring out the worst in the Astros.

Consider the following from the turn of the millennium:

• 2000: The Astros, after three straight playoff appearances, were looking to make the playoffs again, but were actually not losing in the NLDS. To that end, they succeeded, because you can’t have a disappointing loss in the NLDS if you don’t actually make the playoffs. Despite an exceptional year from Richard Hidalgo, the Astros finished below .500 for the first time since the strike. So the joy of postseason baseball would not return to Enron Field that year (yes, Enron…but that’s another story)
• 2004 : At first glance, this doesn’t seem like a cursed year. The Houston Astros, after a playoff disappointment in 2001, went two years without a return to the postseason. In 2004, they not only returned to the playoffs, but also won their first playoff series in franchise history. They would go to the NLCS and come within one game of a pennant, only to lose the final two games in St. Louis. Yet perhaps it was also a sign of curse, as it forced Houston to rely more on Clements and Pettitte. Good pitchers, but ones that were known for using not entirely ethical synthetic juice to enhance their natural juice. They had to let Beltran test free agency (bad when he left, maybe worse when they brought him back?) and figured they could hold on without a major replacement. It almost backfired spectacularly, but Houston then rallied to advance to the World Series. It would be the franchise’s high point for years to come, while also giving conspiracy theorists the idea that the Astros probably made a deal with Satan for 2005…allegedly.
• 2008: A false dawn of the season. After narrowly missing the playoffs in 2006 at 82-80 and going 73-89 in 2007, the Astros found a way to improve by 13 games. Yet they ended up in no man’s land: not good enough for the playoffs and not bad enough to qualify for good draft positioning. The 86 wins seemed to reinforce the team that it was doing something right, even though its real talent was aging and it had perhaps the most barren farm system in the league. Wait, did we say false dawn? Knowing what was coming, the proverbial “dead cat bounce” before the stock market completely collapsed would be more appropriate here.
• 2012: About that dead cat bouncing around and completely falling apart… At this point, the team had a new owner and a new general manager. The first priority was a complete overhaul and rebuild of the entire organization. One of the main goals was to build the agricultural system with future talent. This made major league players expendable. Low-cost, low-talent players dominated the roster, save for a pipsqueak hitter and a spin-doctor pitcher. This would be the second straight season that the Astros finished with more than 100 losses. The days of 0.0 Nilsen ratings and joke clues on Jeopardy were the primary ways the Astros made headlines.
• 2016: After 2015, Houston couldn’t wait to get to 2016. In 2015, they posted their first winning record since 2008 and won their first playoff series since 2005. They lost a heartbreaking ALDS to the eventual champion Royals, but the he team’s future was so bright that solar eclipse-resistant sunglasses were needed. The pipsqueak has become a consistent All-Star and the spin doctor just won the AL Cy Young. Sport Illustrated decided its 2014 cover was off by a year and called for Houston to win the World Series. This turned into another patented SI jinx, as the team responded by starting 7-17. They managed to finish with a winning record, but unlike 2005, it wasn’t enough to qualify for the playoffs.
• 2020: Where to start? Confirmation of a major sign-stealing scheme in 2017-18? The hatred that everyone had for them? The pandemic? Bitter work relations? Massive injuries? The record of defeats in the regular season? Falling 3-0 in the ALCS, only to come back to tie it 3-3, only to lose it in game seven? Watching the Dodgers win it all (in the state of Texas no less) and trying to pretend that it mattered in 2017 too? Make your choice. 2020 had it all, and it was all suuucccckkkkkeeeedddd.

Maybe some things are just coincidences. However, 2024 falls within the presidential election year rule and is bad news for Houston. Especially since there’s no reason for every aspect of this team to fail so much at once. It’s still early in the season, but not that early. No one has run away with the AL West (yet), and it’s too early to worry about Wild Cards. Still, if the team still remains double digits under .500 next summer, it will be hard to ignore that election years may just not be the years for the Astros.