Should I alert my neighbors that a black person is coming to visit?

Dear readers: To mark my final week of writing this column, I’ve fired up the Ask Amy Wayback Machine and am rehashing some memorable questions and answers from the past 21 years of Ask Amy.

Dear Amy: I am a college student from a suburb of San Francisco. I studied in New York.

My best friend from school is coming to visit me this summer and I couldn’t be more excited! But excitement aside, I have concerns.

At a time when people of color, especially men, are called to the police for everything from waiting for a friend at Starbucks to taking a nap in the common room of a college dorm, I worry about the potential reaction of my neighbors if a man of color shows up in their predominantly white suburb.

I’ve been thinking about making a post on nextdoor.com (a neighborhood social media site) asking people to think twice before panicking if they see my friend walking down the street because he belongs there just as much as they do. But I know my county prides itself on being a liberal and progressive area and I don’t want to offend anyone.

I do not want to upset my community by accusing them of racist behavior that I have never experienced, but I am aware of incidents that have occurred in similar communities.

I don’t know what to do to offend as few people as possible while also making sure my boyfriend feels safe and welcome in the place I call home.

Your suggestion? – Stay on track

Dear Toeing the Line: In recent neighborhood news, “neighbors” in a community like yours called the police because they saw an African-American firefighter (in uniform) conducting a safety inspection in the neighborhood. The firefighter’s white (female) colleague said that she would accompany him on sprinkler inspections in the neighborhood in the future, basically for his own safety.

You should start this process by pointing out to your friend that if he, as a black man, is brave enough to walk through the neighborhood, your neighbors will likely “panic” and call the police. Oddly enough, you seem more concerned about offending your neighbors by challenging their lofty ideas about themselves than about the risk your friend is taking by walking through your neighborhood alone.

I have two suggestions: Call out loudly to your neighbors to allow a black person – any black person – to actually walk freely through the neighborhood, not because he is your special guest, but because he is a human being walking on the sidewalk.

Also, be completely honest with your friend about the type of community he will be attending and what physical or psychological harassment (or worse) he might face simply by being there.

Dear Amy: Yesterday my friend “Lori” and I went to have lunch at a local restaurant. Two men were on their way to the same restaurant and were a little ahead of us, but when they got to the door they held it open for us and let us in the restaurant first.

We smiled, I thanked them, and as soon as I entered, I stepped back to allow them to get in line ahead of us, thinking that was their rightful place and they should not be punished for being polite to us.

I noticed that they were on their lunch break while we had plenty of time to enjoy our lunch. Lori was mad at me and said I shouldn’t have let them “jump” ahead of us in line. I told her I didn’t think it was appropriate to punish them for holding the door open for us.

Lori still laughs at what a “jerk” I was. What do you mean? When someone holds the door open for someone, does the person holding the door automatically give up their place in the line behind them? – Confused

Dear Confused: Let us illustrate this situation graphically.

But let’s leave it at that. You’re a nice person. Your girlfriend is an idiot.

You did a kind act. She laughed at you for it.

My only concern is that if you continue to hang out with her, her harsh assessment of you might prove to be correct. Don’t be a jerk!

Dear readers: R. Eric Thomas is starting a new advice column called “Asking Eric.” Eric is young, smart, and an experienced advice writer. You can help him get started by sending him your toughest dilemmas. Email him at [email protected].

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @fragenamy or Facebook.