Let us break the chains of sexual shame in the church

In the field of pro-life work, conversations we regularly have often lead to uncomfortable topics, especially when it comes to issues of sexuality. When I was a new employee at a Christian nonprofit many years ago, I vividly remember a particular moment during a staff meeting when the subject of the “sexual disclosure table” came up. When I humorously noted that my own past experiences had exceeded the limits of the table, I received a sobering response from my boss: “We don’t talk about that.”

The disgusted look on their faces and the abrupt rejection of my attempt to lighten the discussion left me feeling excluded and marked with a metaphorical scarlet letter. In that moment, I was once again confronted with the harsh reality of sexual shame, deeply rooted in the walls of the church. I was shocked and saddened that even in this “Christian ministry” I was not allowed to talk about the pit God had pulled me out of because it was “too bad.”

But as I reflect on my journey to redemption, I refuse to be silenced by the chains of shame that once bound me. My past is marked by sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault, promiscuity, affairs, and reckless choices that resulted in a sexually transmitted disease and an unwanted pregnancy. All of these ultimately led me to redemption, but could have also led to irreparable harm. Yet despite all of this, I have found comfort in the unwavering love and forgiveness of a God who overlooked my mistakes and welcomed me back with open arms.

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I have come to realize that my worth is not defined by my past transgressions or societal expectations. It is rooted in the unfailing grace of Jesus Christ, who stood by me in my darkest hours and rejoiced when I chose repentance and redemption.

I think we need to talk about these incredible stories of redemption rather than hide from them. One of Jesus’ most profound acts of forgiveness and redemption was that of the woman caught in adultery. Her very public shame and sin was met with grace and love by Christ.

I run Reliance Ministries and Reliance Center and one of the driving forces behind the creation of these ministries was to provide a safe haven for women to shed the layers of shame and guilt that society and the church have placed on them. It was to be a place where broken, hurt and scared women could find comfort, confidence and real healing.

At Reliance, we strive to be a listening ear, a compassionate heart, and a light for those women who suffer from sexual shame and judgment. Many are terrified to enter a church, knowing they will be met with statements like, “If you had kept your legs closed, this wouldn’t have happened,” or “What did you expect when you met men on Tinder?” Our mission is not to judge or condemn, but to allow the gentle Spirit of Jesus to convict and transform lives from the inside out.

In this sanctuary of grace and understanding, women are encouraged to embark on a journey of redemption and wholeness. It is a place where stories of brokenness are met with empathy, where wounds are healed with compassion, and where the journey to recovery begins.

It is time for the church to break free from the shackles of silence and judgment when it comes to issues of sexuality. We must create spaces where people can share their stories of brokenness and redemption without fear of judgment or rejection. Only through open dialogue, genuine compassion, and unwavering support can we truly embody the transforming love of Christ.

So I ask you not to hide in the shadows of shame. Your story, no matter how messy or painful, has the power to inspire, heal and create profound change. Embrace your journey and never underestimate the redemptive power you have in sharing your story with the world.

Let us break down the walls of sexual shame in the Church and pave the way for a future where truth, repentance, redemption, grace, acceptance and love reign. Together we can transform our scars into testimonies of God’s infinite mercy and unwavering grace. Don’t be silenced. Tell your story, for you may set someone else free.