Indian teenagers are more sexually active than ever. What can parents do now?

I’m sorry to break your illusion, but the likelihood of your daughter (or son) being sexually active during her teenage years is higher than you’d like to believe. Studies show that as puberty is pushed down to age 9 for girls and 11 for boys, curiosity about sex and the inclination to experience it increases. Despite the sudden physical changes, teenagers are still children in their minds and are often prone to making bad decisions that they will regret in later years. The end of a child’s mental capacity marks the beginning of the parents’ mental capacity. Instilling fear by hitting or scolding no longer works with teenagers in 2017.

In families where both parents work or in unconventional single-parent families, children grow up without adequate adult supervision. One must realize that the environment in which they grow up is far from the one we had as teenagers. They do not run to grandparents to listen to bedtime stories, but resort to laptops, iPads, smartphones and whatever. Don’t expect them to google fairy tales when the whole universe is at their fingertips. During these years, curiosity is at its peak, and at this uncertain age, they easily succumb to the lure of sex. When erotic images penetrate the vulnerable mind, the desire to experience what they see arises. The lack of family love creates enough space for temporary lovers; an increase in pocket money to compensate for your presence gives them easy access to alcohol and drugs, which brings them closer to an active sex life. Sometimes adolescents use sex as a means to keep their lovers from escaping them. If none of the above reasons help, peer pressure helps – “So you’re a 17-year-old virgin?” becomes the most self-centered question for today’s teenagers.

The fact that sex is no longer taboo and virginity has lost its piety – I am not just thinking of the urban mindset, the rural mentality has also evolved – does not take away your right as a parent to influence your child’s decisions. A warm relationship between parents alone goes a long way in keeping the child at home and attached to mom and dad, so they can be on guard against rash moves. It helps if the parenting style of both parents is consistent so that you do not end up with a confused child. The responsibility of teaching a child the importance of commitment in a relationship, serenity, love and patience rests on the shoulders of his mother and father.

Please don’t be indifferent to the many emotional hurdles a child faces when losing their virginity at a young age. As a parent, you may not be particularly happy to learn that your 15-year-old has lost her virginity, but shaming or blaming her would only make matters worse. You need to put yourself in your child’s shoes for a minute to understand why they chose this path in the first place. Keep communication open and non-judgmental.

Tell them that there is no such thing as “If you loved me, you would do it.” Sexual intercourse is not the only promise of love and fidelity. They need to know that if they say “yes” once, they are not forced to keep saying “yes,” that they are young and have their whole lives ahead of them. Even though they may be bullied by some of their peers, in India, despite the increasing number of sexually active teenagers, most high school students are virgins, and it is again up to you to reassure your child that being a virgin is by no means a failure and that sex is not an achievement.

Gone are the days when parents would tell the story of the bird and the bees and leave it at that. Break down these barriers and have an open and casual dialogue with your child about the science of life. It’s better if they learn it from you than from YouPorn. End your dialogue by saying that sex is not a quick way to get physical gratification, but a gift shared with a special person who makes you fall in love. While you’re on the subject, make a distinction between love and infatuation for your child. Don’t forget to educate your child about safe sex and also address the topic of sexually transmitted diseases. Try to stay away from the age-old customs of “virgin until taken” and “sex only after marriage” because that won’t get you anywhere in this day and age. Make your teen feel confident in your presence. It does not have to feel judged, because only then will it confide in you and give you the opportunity to get it back on the right track.