I was sexually abused as a child

A mother who was sexually abused as a child was left “nauseous” when she realized her abuser was her son’s new boss.

Lisa Connor, from Chapeltown, County Down, Northern Ireland, was attacked by Paul Milligan – the nephew of her mother’s then partner – when she was 10 or 11 years old.

She hadn’t seen Milligan for years when she suddenly discovered him in her son’s Facebook friends list in 2016.

Lisa and her co-victim Colm Cunningham agreed to give up their anonymity as victims of sexual assault to tell their stories.

Lisa, 43, told The Sun: “I was looking through my son’s Facebook page and saw they were friends, called him and wanted to know why they were friends and how they were friends.”

“He actually thought I had a screw loose and said, ‘What’s the point?

“‘He’s my boss.’ I said, “No, you have to quit your job.” In the end, I had to tell my son why he had to quit his job.

Mother-of-two Lisa said her then-teenager son worked as a kitchen porter alongside Milligan – his direct supervisor – at a local hotel.

‘IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT’

When asked how difficult it was for her to reveal her suffering to her son, Lisa said: “It was very, very difficult. He didn’t quit his job just because I said so.”

“He had to know, and when I told him he had sexually abused me as a child, he handed in his resignation that same evening.

“He wanted out of there because he said he literally killed him. I sat my son down and told him, and he stood by me every day in court.”

Describing the abuse she suffered, Lisa said her family had just moved north from Dublin, Ireland with her mother’s new partner and Milligan had briefly entered her life. He was 17 years old at the time.

The abuse occurred shortly afterwards.

“I went into a spiral, I went completely off the rails. “I really went off the rails when I was 16,” she added.

In 2002 – two years after her son was born – Lisa reported the attack to the police, but eventually changed her mind and filed a complaint.

However, years later, after separating from her son, she decided to pursue the case again.

Milligan, from Ballymartin, was convicted at Newry Crown Court last December of sexually assaulting two men and a woman over a five-year period between October 1986 and June 1991.

The 49-year-old was convicted in February of eight counts of sexual assault and four counts of aggravated indecency with his three victims.

Three cases of abuse of office, which he denied, remained on record.

Handed out one sentence

Milligan was sentenced to one year in prison and an additional two years of probation.

Lisa continued: “I always say things happen for a reason.

“If my son hadn’t worked side by side with him, he wouldn’t have known I was being abused… I would never have reported it because I would take it to my grave.”

“I truly believe there was a reason he was there and worked with him. I was able to do something about it – and we got justice.”

Another of Milligan’s victims, Colm, 45, met Lisa during the court case.

Lisa said: “Not only have we become survivors, I think I can say we’ve become pretty good friends.”

“It’s very easy for me to talk to Colm because no matter what I say, Colm knows what I’m talking about.

“He’s the only person I know in my life who’s been through the exact same thing with the same person that I can talk to openly, and he just gets it.”

Both are now advocating for harsher penalties in historic abuse cases.

Lisa said: “I think there are a lot more people out there who need to come forward and we need to fight for tougher sentences.”

She continued: “In cases like this you get no admissions of guilt and no prison sentences.”

“The fact that we had both… everyone kept saying, ‘He only has one year.’ But we expected him to get nothing.”

“This year was important for us. Yes, it wasn’t enough, but at the same time it was important from my point of view.”

“Our lawyer did a little dance. She couldn’t believe he was sentenced to prison because that doesn’t happen.”

“IT HAS MADE A STATEMENT”

Father-of-three Colm, from Kilkeel, agreed: “It made a statement.”

He first reported Milligan in May 2013.

“The struggle of it all, having to participate.” Interviewsand then three adjournments…” he said before trailing off.

When he was 13, he was abused by Milligan, who lived near each other in Ballymartin.

“It happened to me countless times over a 10-month period,” Colm said.

“That’s why I had to come forward, I couldn’t cope with it. Either that or I left my life behind. I wanted to kill myself.”

“I couldn’t do that, but I knew what I had to do. It was the hardest thing, but I had to do it.”

He added: “I am still suffering to tell you the honest truth of God.”

The next About a year after the abuse ended, Colm became more reserved and his mother took him to the doctor.

“I absolutely loved football. I was always outside and had to be dragged into the house,” he explained.

“But I started to worry all the time. I felt adrenaline rushing through my body and my mother knew I wasn’t right. When I was 15, the doctor prescribed me anti-anxiety medication.”

In 2004 he moved to Australia with his then girlfriend and they had two daughters.

But he couldn’t escape the pain and “it just kept getting worse.”

“The pain in my head, the hissing, the ringing in my ears, the adrenaline rush. This wouldn’t stop. It’s like a car drives past you and you get this jolt of electricity. That was every day. F*** rots.

He said: “I had to undergo electroconvulsive therapy in Australia and I think it did me more harm than good. I don’t think this is even possible in the UK, only as a last resort.”

“I was classified under the Mental Health Act in Australia, I had three breakdowns and the list goes on.”

He finally returned to Northern Ireland in May 2018 and contacted the police again about Milligan.

He added: “The adrenaline has gone since the trial but the hiss is still there.”

“I had to leave my two beautiful daughters behind in Australia. I’m still in her life and paying for her. But I had to come home.”

Lisa eventually came on board and having her as an additional victim helped solidify the case.

She said: “It all happened so quickly, I didn’t have time to think. Only now do I realize what I went through and how quickly it happened.”

“It took a few years to get to court but because it was ongoing I got my way, it didn’t even take a year. It was so intense for me.”

When she saw Milligan plead guilty in December, she said: “It was a huge relief. That was the only time I was able to look at his face and watch him bend the microphone and say ‘guilty.’

“It was the most harrowing thing I’ve ever had to do, but you know what? It just felt like someone came up behind me and took the weight off my shoulders.”

“Don’t get me wrong, if he’s seen guilty, it’s not a loss at all. We are no longer victims, we are survivors and we will be survivors for the rest of our lives.”

“We have to make it clear to people that the sentencing will be harsher. It is something that needs to be spoken out for. It’s okay to talk and reach out. As survivors, we want the law to be changed. We want people to listen.”

To find out more about Lisa and Colm’s campaign, click here.