Sexual abuse: Why society doesn’t care when more and more boys are affected by it

As a male offspring in a patriarchal society like Nigeria, you give the impression of lying by saying you are a macho and you hide your fear from the public.

Society expects you to act like a man in every situation because if you show your worries, it is a sign that you are weak. You are too powerful and cannot cry openly or show your feelings. These “superhuman” expectations are reflected in cultures, religions and norms and sometimes this is taught to boys from a young age.

Many even believe that being a boy in Nigeria gives you a natural advantage over girls. That is why there is a strong call for empowerment of girls.

But have we not inadvertently set up the system to the boy’s disadvantage?

Nkechi Ndiaye, a radio presenter from Lagos, Nigeria, decided to advocate for boys’ rights after years of listening to men on her radio show talk about their abusive childhood experiences.

She tells the stories of a 14-year-old boy who was sexually abused by his mother.

“This boy said my mother lost her father (her husband) and since dad died my mother looks at me differently and calls me to touch her body and then comes the point where she is sexual and my mother demands sex from me. As a young boy at that time, he wanted to help his mother stop crying and then he fell for it.

“At some point I felt that something was wrong with me and he reported it to the school principal.

“When they call mom, she says, ‘I’m sorry, she’s the devil.’ Say the boy is a carbon copy of her husband,” Nkechi said.

There is a lot of physical and psychological abuse of children in Nigeria. According to the UNICEF report, violence against children increased by five percent between 2016 and 2021, but experts believe that the response to this statistic is not indicative.

Rape is a form of sexual assault that is most often seen as abuse of girls. However, according to the 2015 Violence Against Children Report, one in ten boys under the age of 18 is a victim of sexual violence.

Taiwo Akinlami – a Lagos-based child advocate who was abused as a child. His experiences of childhood abuse prompted him to start a campaign to protect boys. He says sexual abuse of boys often goes unreported by society.

Taiwo believes that part of men’s negative behavior is due to their socio-cultural orientation and experiences of abuse in childhood.

“In the school system, 24% of boys are sexually abused, compared to 15% of girls,” he said.

Speaking about society’s views on masculinity, he said: “I often cry when I see inspirational images. But now I always think it’s a problem. When I was growing up, I was told that men shouldn’t cry, but that’s one of those lies, one of the myths that men aren’t told, and that’s why they can’t express themselves.”

Dr. Maynunah Kadiri, a psychologist based in Lagos, says many men grow up with untreated emotional scars that later affect their mental health.

“This does not affect so many men because, for example, out of the 20 suicide attempts we observe in women, we see one completed case in men,” said Dr. Maynunah.

Violence against boys can lead to intimacy disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, alcoholism, drug abuse, and underachievement in school and work, as well as other negative behaviors.

Dr. Maymunah says that society’s expectations of a boy do not match the priority they enjoy, she worries.

“We place a lot of weight and responsibility on a particular gender, but are we equipping that gender sufficiently? No, and I will say it loudly: No.”

Taiwo Akinlami explained: “70% of children in Nigeria who abuse drugs are boys. The National Bureau of Statistics does not tell us at present, in terms of incarceration and crime, 90% of those incarcerated are males,” said Dr. Maymunah.

Education is free and compulsory for all students under Nigeria’s Universal Basic Education Act. However, due to socioeconomic reasons, many boys do not have access to formal education.

According to a report by the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), 7.4 million boys in Nigeria do not have access to education.

According to a report for the year 2017/2018, about 10 million children in Nigeria are not attending primary schools. The majority of students are male, 62 percent of the total.

According to Leave-No-Child-Behind’s global report on boys’ lack of participation in education, while girls have more opportunities to get an education, boys are more likely to repeat grades and fail to complete education. This has implications for men’s choices, behavior, health and roles as citizens and family decisions, it warns.

In an interview with Gist Nigeria, Rownak Khan, Deputy Country Representative of the UNICEF programme, said: “They are given the gender roles that are imposed on them (boys) by society and the community and fall into behavioural patterns that prevent them from attending school.”

“They see a disconnect between the curriculum and what is actually available in terms of the job market. So how can we bring the two together so that young people as individuals understand the value of an education,” she adds.

In the northern part of Nigeria, the Almajiri system sends many boys away from home at a young age in the hope that the children will survive by begging for alms.

According to education policy expert Crystal Ikanih-Musa, “in the southeast, many boys drop out of school and start an apprenticeship instead of completing their studies. In the north, there are also many boys who are recruited by terrorists and are told that school education is poor.”

While campaigns for equal opportunities and rights for girls are important worldwide, Sabi Pipo says it is important to pay equal attention to the well-being of boys.

Adewunmi Alode, Director of the Boys and Men of Honour Campaign, said: “We are sitting on a time bomb. When well-educated and successful women are placed in a situation where men do not have high emotional intelligence, do not believe in or understand the nature of men, and are intimidated by women’s success, violence, intimidation and harassment will continue. And we will continue to see unhappy women.”

Therefore, prioritizing male children is a key prerequisite for implementing the United Nations 2030 Agenda for Sustainable Development, which calls for no one to be left behind.