After the death of her husband, woman wants to explore her sexuality

Q I am a 72-year-old woman. My husband of over 40 years died a few years ago. We dated in high school, went to the same college, and married after graduation. We both came from devout Catholic families and were faithful to our faith until his death. I still am. He was a great husband, a great father, and a good provider. As with any marriage, there are good and bad sides.

My husband is the only man I have ever been intimate with. When I was about 35, I began to feel sexually unfulfilled. I stayed in my marriage because I kept my vows and because it was not a problem for me. The only reason I would seek a divorce is if he cheated on me, and in my heart I know he never did that.

I’m at a point where I want to explore my sexuality. I have a list of things I want to try (with different people, including women and BDSM) and I don’t know where to start.

I know I don’t want a serious relationship and I want to have some fun before I’m too old for that.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

– Where should I start?

A. We live in an on-demand world. There are apps for almost everything.

If you’re looking to meet women, apps like Her can be helpful. This site seems to have filters for pretty much everything and is designed for “queer, bisexual, and lesbian dating.” (I can’t recommend Her firsthand, by the way; I’m just trying to keep track of what apps are out there.)

Make sure your chat with someone quickly leads to a personal, safe plan. Don’t chat with someone for months. Don’t give money to anyone.

Make sure at least one friend knows who you are talking to and when you are out with strangers.

There are also ways to find out what you might like in person – in the form of education. There are BSDM groups that host non-BDSM activities (meetings, education sessions, etc.). That’s a way to get started – learn more and meet people who can introduce you to a community. Do some Googling.

In the greater Boston area, I advise people to visit a store like Good Vibrations because it aims to promote pleasure And sexual health, and sometimes staff organize events to answer these questions.

My last thought is sex therapy. I have been interviewing a lot of sex therapists lately and their big goal is to help people enjoy themselves – in a healthy way. Look for a therapist who certified as a sex therapist.

In summary: Swipe on some apps. Tell a friend. Don’t give money to random people. Take classes. Join discussion groups. Find a sex therapist. Be careful.

Have fun. Let us know!

— Meredith