Wife’s reaction to her husband’s accidents

Dear Lisa: My best friend is constantly injuring himself. He is 35 and in great shape, although he gained some weight during his wife’s first pregnancy. Recently he went jogging with a group of friends near their house in the countryside when he tripped over a root and broke his ankle.

Shortly before the baby was born, he went skiing with some friends and fell into a tree stump, breaking two ribs. And last fall, he was playing basketball with some friends after work when he fell and broke his elbow.

I’m worried about him because it seems like a lot. I try to talk to him about it, but he brushes me off. I’ve even spoken to his wife about it, but she says it serves him right for being so active.

Should I let it go and just watch my boyfriend continue to hurt himself?

Broken bones

What concerns me more than anything is his wife’s reaction. Does he deserve it for being so active? That doesn’t make sense. If he was involved in high-risk sports like bungee jumping or skydiving, I could understand her reaction. But he runs and plays basketball. Doesn’t she want her husband to be fit and healthy?

Aside from their response, I don’t think you should be concerned. He’s an adult who recognizes that he breaks easily. You could suggest that he see a doctor, maybe get a bone density scan and ask about osteoporosis. But it’s not your job or responsibility to ask. I hope he appreciates how much you care about him.

Dear Lisa: My boyfriend and my best friend (also a guy) are acting really weird. My boyfriend doesn’t come with me when my best friend and I hang out anymore, even though he always did. And my best friend is constantly trying in every way possible to get my boyfriend to come with us.

And yes, I’ve asked each of them what’s going on, but I feel like neither of them are being honest with me. I love my boyfriend and I love my best friend. I don’t want to lose either of them. What should I do?

middleman

I can’t tell from your question what exactly is going on. A few years ago I would have asked about gender, but now it doesn’t matter (it didn’t matter back then either, but the world wasn’t as open-minded). So this is a love triangle. Does your boyfriend have a crush on your best friend? Does your best friend have a crush on your boyfriend? Are they having a secret affair that your boyfriend wants to keep secret but your best friend wants to flaunt?

You need to get to the bottom of it, otherwise you’ll get hurt. If it feels safe to do so, have a group chat, in person, so you can see each other’s expressions and feel the mood. You could bring someone outside of that triangle to support you. Trust your gut. Stay strong. And keep me posted.

Dear Lisa: There’s a corner store on my street. They sell everything from toilet paper to Pop-Tarts, from fresh fruit to ant traps. I can tell you what people buy the most there, because they unpack everything and throw their garbage on my front yard. I’ve talked to the store owners about it – it’s not their fault – and they put a garbage can right outside their front door. They’re so nice and feel bad. But it hasn’t stopped.

What can I do?

Neighbors’ garbage

Unfortunately, I know this problem all too well. You are lucky that the shop owners are understanding and willing to help. Try putting a trash can on the corner of your property and see if that helps.

READER COMMENT: On the subject of broken families (16 May):

“When I reached retirement age, I realized that my family is not the only one experiencing problems. In my later years, it has helped me to talk about it and know that our family is not alone.

“For example, we were not allowed to talk about it when my brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1974 at the age of 22. That took our family down a different path.”

RETURN MESSAGE: Regarding the husband who makes fun of his wife’s sporting activities (May 17):

Reader – “What needs to be addressed here is verbal abuse. Period. Her husband doesn’t need to understand what she’s doing; he needs to understand that making fun of someone is verbal abuse. That is NOT OK.”

Lisi – While I completely agree that verbal abuse is not okay, I don’t think it’s intentional. Still not excusable, but there’s a better chance it will be corrected and understood.

Lisa TheSher is a Toronto-based advice columnist. Send your relationship questions to (email protected).